Beware Plot Bunnies!
by Kaat ShadowLover
Summary: Physical plot bunnies invade the enterprise. crack!fic


Disclaimer: They're mine! All mine! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Warnings: cliched plot concepts, total unredeemable crack

A/N: This was written for this prompt: I think it would be awesome if plot bunnies (actual animals) were running rampant aboard the Enterprise. Every time one is seen, it signals to the crew that something is about to happen.

**Beware Plot Bunnies!**

Sulu was the first one who noticed it. It was just sitting in a corridor, cute pink little nose twitching. He wasn't sure where it came from, but he knew a bunny when he saw it. He picked it up and brought it to the small Zoology Department. The next day he was on an away mission where he was involved in a swordfight to defend his captain's honor and then somehow got jumped by Chekov. That part was fun.

Spock found the next three. Two were cuddled close together and the third was sitting on his seat at the science station. He also brought them to Zoology, who hadn't figured anything out from the first one except that yes, it was a bunny. The next day involved a traumatic discovery of a new transporter technique that might have saveed his mother, comfort sex with the captain and then more comfort sex with the doctor. He was more than a little confused as to how either had happened, as he was involved with neither of them.

Scotty and Keenser found several in Engineering (Zoology was beginning to run out of cages) and the next few days saw a sudden realization that Keenser was female, a sudden realisation that they were married, and a sudden realisation that they both lusted after the captain (that last wasn't too surprising, but the first was, as Keenser had been certain up to this point that she was male).

Lieutenant Harrison found one in his quarters several days in a row. The first day, he found that he was now female. She went to Sickbay, where McCoy just shrugged and muttered about a lot of that going around. The next day, she found that she was a lesbian. Since she had previously been in a relationship with another man, this was very disturbing. On the third day, all personnel records were changed and she found that her name was now legally Cupcake. On the fourth day, he was male again, had his old name back, and was back to sleeping with men. However, the man he found himself sleeping with was Captain Kirk.

Chekov noticed an entire pile of the bunnies next to his nav station. They all looked alike. Zoology confirmed that they were identical. Chekov then spent the next week losing his virginity seventeen times (plus once more for good luck).

By this point, the bunnies were everywhere. Zoology had expanded into Botany both for the space and to keep the bunnies fed. The Enterprise several times gained inexplicable sentience and during at least one of those times she and Scotty had sex. No one, especially not Scotty, inquired too closely into the mechanics of how that had worked. Everyone on board experienced a gender change at least once, sometimes changing back and sometimes not. Evil versions of all the senior staff were running around loose (except for the evil Kirk, who was easily captured by a secuirty ensign when she had sex with him and then knocked him out and took him to the brig).

Gaila noticed that maybe two out of three bunnies seemed to lead to sex so she started collecting them. She got a lot of sex with lots of different partners in ways and positions even she hadn't known about before. However, she was rather put out when the rest of the crew was convinced she was dead for three days straight.

Kirk had an entire pile of bunnies fall on his head and then proceeded to (in order) seduce McCoy, get raped by Nero (who was inexplicably back from the dead and then disappeared again, wtf?), save the Enterprise with an inspired bit of tactics, put an away team in danger by mouthing off to some aliens, get seduced by Spock _and_ Uhura (were they even still together?), and somehow experience Spock Prime's death from light years away even though they'd never even talked after Delta Vega.

At this point Zoology, which was now storing the bunnies in one of the larger cargo bays, announced that they at last knew the bunnies' exact species.

They were plot bunnies. And they were breeding.

The rest of the crew sighed, rolled their eyes, indicated that yes, they'd already figured this out, and went back to suffering through (and enjoying some of) all the random plots that kept coming their way.


End file.
